When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
