she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
