Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
