Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
