he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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