Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
