she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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