have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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