i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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