Don't make out with my wife yet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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