he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize