every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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