Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
