How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
