Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
