I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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