Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
