Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
