she woke up with a sticky ear
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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