Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
