dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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