i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
