I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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