I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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