So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
