I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
