I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
