The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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