So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
