No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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