Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's on the porch naked. Help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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