My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
