Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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