I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
