Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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