you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
