Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
