In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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