She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
