I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
