he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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