I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We left the knife in your bed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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