party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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