Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
