Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
