DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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