If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
