some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
