Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
