Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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