Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't turn off my feet"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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