Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
