Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
