i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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