dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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