drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
