he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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