This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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