I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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