I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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