Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
