Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
