She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Less talking, more tequila
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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