i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
