He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
