The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
