Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
