Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
