my vag is so smooth its legendary
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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