Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
