it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
