You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
