He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
