I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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