I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
