Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
