yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize