it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize