allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
