While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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